author of 13 lucky books of fiction and nonfiction, including Rehearsals for Dying, Hexing the Patriarchy, and The End of Eve. Her shameless novel/memoir, We Were Witches, was published by the Feminist Press, and her anthology Portland Queer: Tales of the Rose City won the Lambda Literary Award for Best LGBT Anthology. She teaches writing online at Ariel Gore’s School for Wayward Writers at the Literary Kitchen.
At Lit Hub Gore tagged five books that helped her "navigate the emotional wilderness of loving someone with a terminal diagnosis." One title on the list:
Barbara Ehrenreich, Bright-sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining AmericaRead about another book on Gore's list.
In dusty pink waiting room after dusty pink waiting room, Deena [Gore's wife] and I discovered the tyranny of positivity that pervades cancer culture.
“You’ll beat this!” “Stay positive!” “You’re a warrior!” The relentless pressure to maintain a cheerful outlook becomes its own burden, layering guilt on top of fear when our natural feelings of anger, grief, and pure rage emerged.
Ehrenreich, who experienced earlier-stage breast cancer herself, took on the pink ribbon people and brilliantly dissected the cult of positive thinking thatdominates American approaches to all illness, particularly cancer. The chapter on “Cancerland” should be required reading for anyone navigating a cancer diagnosis or supporting someone who is.
Because this is what is true: Pink-ribbon cheerfulness often serves corporate interests more than patients, and it creates a culture where those who don’t “think positive” enough are somehow to blame for their illness or prognosis.
In a world that pressures cancer patients to become gurus of Hallmark-like platitudes, Ehrenreich’s own “lessons learned” let me exhale with relief:Breast cancer, I can now report, did not make me prettier or stronger, more feminine or spiritual. What it gave me, if you want to call this a “gift,” was a very personal, agonizing encounter with an ideological force in American culture that I had not been aware of before—one that encourages us to deny reality, submit cheerfully to misfortune, and blame only ourselves for our fate.Bright-Sided gave Deena and me permission to honor all of our grumpiness and negativity—along with our radical happiness in being alive and in love. (Because it turns out that forced optimism doesn’t just make grief harder, it’s a total killjoy.)
And don’t even get Ehrenreich started on why “battle” metaphors for cancer are both inadequate and potentially super harmful. Ok, maybe do get her started.
Also see five of the best books about living with cancer and ten top books about cancer.
--Marshal Zeringue
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