Elise Loehnen is the host of Pulling the Thread, the author of the New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior, and co-author of True and False Magic: A Tools Workbook with Phil Stutz. She has co-written twelve books, five of which were New York Times bestsellers.
At Oprah Daily she tagged nine titles that "offer actionable and thoughtful guidance for all sorts of marital distress, from healing from infidelity to getting your spouse to load the dishwasher correctly." One book on the list:
Monsters in Love, by Resmaa MenakemRead about another book on the list.
Resmaa Menakem’s work primarily revolves around the emotional legacy of culture—his 2017 New York Times bestseller, My Grandmother’s Hands, addresses how racialized trauma lives on in our bodies. To that end, Monsters in Love (originally published in 2015 as Rock the Boat) acknowledges that all relationships live in a larger context, and that social and political forces are always at place, even in the relative privacy of our homes. Menakem isa licensed clinical social worker, a divorce and family mediator, and a frequent facilitator for high-conflict organizations like the Minneapolis Police Department and the military: He’s seen some tough stuff. In his latest book, he pushes against a prevailing principle in relationship theory—one that posits peace is the best path. He believes conflict is not only inevitable but essential and that the best relationships are those that can hold a lot of hard stuff. As he writes, “A strong partnership isn’t always about keeping your boat as stable as possible and keeping you and your partner aligned. It’s also about staying present and upright when the wind and waves are tossing you around. When it comes to matters of integrity, there will be times when you need to rock the boat—or let it rock you. And sometimes, in the worst of storms, when your boat is being tossed about, trying to keep it stable can actually sink it.” Filled with case studies from his psychotherapy practice as well as what he calls compass points, or universal truths, Menakem puts on the page what most of us would be scared to admit, like this one: “Hatred exists in all loving long-term relationships. Part of growing up is acknowledging this hatred. If you don’t acknowledge the occasional hatred, it will show up in some other, nastier, unexamined form.”
--Marshal Zeringue




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